I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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