Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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