PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
