Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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