I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
