it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
