I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
