just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
