I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
