He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
