I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
