well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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