I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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