OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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