I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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