She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
what day is it and did you see me today?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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