I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
