So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I deserve this hangover.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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