Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We had to coat check the pizza.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
