I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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