"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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