shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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