I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
