You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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