He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
