butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
