i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
