I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
