one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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