? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
