I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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