You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
