Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
