Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
