Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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