then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
