Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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