Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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