Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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