I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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