of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
