Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
