Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
