Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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