I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
