I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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