Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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