I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
