i don't plan on having that self control this summer
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
