Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
